she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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