I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
