Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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