I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
