Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
