If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
