Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The air taste purple.
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