I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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