oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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