1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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