Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
