New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
PANTIES FOUND
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
