Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Reggie can tackle my bush.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
