Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
