her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
