How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
