brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
