the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
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I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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