She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
