i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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