her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
