im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
