I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
