you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
