The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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