I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
