you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Green mimosas i think yes
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
