guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
