It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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