maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
