If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Randomize
