Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
