I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
