Only a mothe r could love this liver
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
