and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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