I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
