Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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