i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
