do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
