If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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