just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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