i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
