First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
