NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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