thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
