when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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