I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
