And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
