i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
