so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I pour the whiskey from now on
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