It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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