someone owes me an orgasm
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
