went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
