It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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