When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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