I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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