Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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