Michael Bay diarrhea
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
