Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
