so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
