In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
