I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
