break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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