did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
