my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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