We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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