i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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