Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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