Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
