i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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