i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
What did we do last night that was yellow?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
