I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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